Mom and I stopped at the Our Lady of the Snows shrine in Belleville, IL. It was pretty and peaceful there, but this is what caught my eye. I can't imagine the vision it takes to create something so defined at a distance yet abstract close up.
Friday, August 19, 2016
Wednesday, August 17, 2016
Today is my (happy) birthday.
Another one in the books. 54.
I create this pressure to be happy and engaged and upbeat on my birthday. I really want it. How we're supposed to be, right? A day all about you. Well, you and the other 16 million folks who by happenstance share one thing in common with you. A good portion of those might not even know that today is the anniversary of their first breath. Most probably haven't considered that they could have just as likely been chosen by their mother not to be born. Perfectly legal and acceptable by some standards. Really, a sad thought. But, I digress.
I want this to be a happy birthday. In my mind though, the checkboxes of requirements to make this a happy one necessitate effort on the part of too many other people. Spend all day waiting for this or that person to call. Expectations and pressure are going to do me in.
The little girl in me still wants to be noticed. Still trying to be good enough. Still trying to please, get along, to say the right thing. All the while unable to say what I want to say or really know what I want to do. So many years of falling in line: it makes it difficult to beat your own path.
I wonder how it feels to be the first thought instead of the afterthought.
Maybe I'll find out on a future August 17th.
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